Yesterday I was doing puzzles with my youngest two boys. As in true toddler fashion, we got to the very end and realized one puzzle piece was missing. Emotions started to rise, cries started emerge and then there were tears. I tried to console my littlest as I grazed about the table. I was completely confused.
If we were doing an old, worn-down puzzle, I would have left it at that. But we weren’t. This was a brand, spanking new one, never out of the box. The kids hadn’t gotten their mess-making hands on it yet, so logically this was going to be the one puzzle in our house that could have a satisfying resolution. But here we were again. Staring at another unfinished task. Focusing on the hole. Wishing Chase’s face would magically appear in its Paw Patrol place.
It felt a whole lot like my life. Like all of the pieces were floating around me, never able to find their final landing spot. Everything I’d been trying to do lately was adding up to incomplete. No matter how hard I tried, no matter how many cups of coffee I drank, I could never keep up. Not with the house. Not with my writing. Not with my relationships and work. I felt like I was missing it. Missing the mark. Missing the opportunities. Missing the people. And I found myself wanting to sit on the floor and cry with my toddler.
There’s really so much going on in our culture. At least, that’s what they try to make us believe. There’s always something more we can do. There’s always something else to pursue. Things rarely feel truly complete. Most days I feel desperately behind, like I’m stumbling forward trying to find the right path to take. Trying to find the best next step. And sometimes when I finally decide, it seems like it’s too little too late. Instead of experiencing new ventures or finalizing plans, I’m met with closed doors and ‘try agains.’
And I’m starting to feel exhausted.
Because who has time to keep up with all the things? Who has time to do everything wonderfully well and find all the missing puzzle pieces? I don’t. They don’t. And if we are honest with ourselves, I’m pretty sure all of us feel like we are behind in some areas that require serious crushing. Slay all day, right?
But what it we are looking at the puzzle wrong? What if the pieces aren’t together for a purpose? What if the process is more important than the product. I’m not sure when I started believing incomplete projects meant I was incomplete too, but I did. I’ve assigned my own worth according to how much I can get done, how much I can please people, how much I can do for my family and even God. And it’s incredibly inaccurate.
My Creator knows me. He sees my days and understands my struggles. He doesn’t want me to feel like I have to prove myself to Him or anyone else just because I check off a box on a checklist. Sure, it feels fantastic to finish things and finish them well, but it becomes dangerous when we start to define ourselves by our successes instead of our Savior. We are worthy of His lavish love regardless of our performance. We remain His precious children even when we feel like failures. We are held together even when we feel like we are falling apart.
And maybe… just maybe, our good God sees our lack as an opportunity to fill us with more of Him. Maybe our missteps make room for Him to step in. Maybe when we feel left behind or the unfinished pile looms overhead, that’s when we can turn to Him and ask Him what He sees. Because His wisdom knows no end, and His judgment is true. If He allows for things to be imperfect, it’s because He understands the beauty of redemption. He understands how growth can lead to greater gain, more than instant gratification could ever generate. He wants to give us His best. And He knows exactly how He is going to get us there.
So, next time we see life’s holes, let’s choose to walk in the footprints of our gracious God. We aren’t behind, lovely friends. As long as we are standing with our Jesus, we will always be right where we need to be.