Semi-Trust Fall

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Please tell me I’m not alone when I say I think my youngest boy is crazy…

He’s the cutest thing with dimples that could make the world implode, but he’s also flat-out crazy.  He finds anything high up (counters, couches, tables, toilets…) and does the same insane routine.  He stands tall, puts on his proud two year old grin, looks at me and says, “I’m gonna jump!”  At that moment I have precisely 3 seconds to run and catch him before he launches himself off into space.  My success rate is relatively impressive since I’ve avoided many visits to the ER… thanks to the God-given superhero skills He’s bestowed to every mom.

But what I find to be fascinating is the fact that he WANTS me to catch him.  He purposefully grabs my gaze and makes sure I’m aware of his game plan.  He wants me to rush to his side and help him in his free fall.  But most of all, he knows I will be there for him.

It’s a complete trust fall.  He believes in me and knows I will be his faithful rescuer every time.  And as I look at his facial expression right before he jumps, I imagine what life would be like if I had real FAITH LIKE A CHILD.  No fear.  No second guesses.  No hesitation.  Just unabandoned freedom to go for it and trust that everything will be okay.  Because if I’m honest, my adult-ing with Jesus doesn’t look like a trust fall most days.  I’d be lucky if it looked like a semi-purposed tumble…  Don’t get me wrong, I want to trust God with my most precious things.  I want to give Him my dreams and desires and hopes.  But something inside makes me want to postpone my leap.  And I have to ask myself why?

We all want to be the brave ones.  We want to gage the situation and decide the beauty of the outcome is worth the risk.  But what happens to our hearts in the moments before we let go?  And more importantly… where are we looking before our feet cross the final threshhold?  Because so often I find I’m looking down.  Whether it’s at my shifting feet or the distance below, I have a hard time allowing myself to walk forward into the fall.  But God gently lifts my head and holds my gaze.  He has a future for me and for you that lies just beyond the brink.  And when we hold back, we are also choosing to hold back from experiencing His abundance in a brand new way… something no Father wants for His children.

Sweet friend, we may be afraid to fly, but God has made our hearts to soar.

He doesn’t want His children to live on the edge of their dreams.  He wants us to boldly step over our self-perceived limits and embrace the steadfast arms of our Father.  He is there.  He is with us and behind us and in us.  There is no place we can go that our God has not already been, and in His kindness, He has already made a way.

It’s so crucial that we remember the tender heart of our God when we face of daily jumps.  If our eyes are fixed on our circumstances or our fears, we may decide it’s too uncomfortable or unsafe.  But when we look at the One whose gentle character and good intentions precede Him, we will find He is worthy of our trust.  He is able to help us overcome any obstacle placed before us, including our own doubts.  Jesus has done everything in His power, moving heaven and earth, to show us the extent of His lavish love, and that LOVE won’t give up on us now.  Even if our falls become tumbles or we get wounded in flight, His faithfulness will continue to fill our minds with the truth.   And the truth is this:  Nobody is more qualified to catch you than your Creator.  

So I’m thankful.  I’m thankful for the process of learning how to fall into God’s goodness and grace.  I’m thankful for His patience when I stand on the edge and don’t know if I can do it.  I’m thankful for His mercies that are new every morning and His promise to love me through my fears.  And I’m thankful for the determined look of a two year old boy and the lesson he’s taught me.

I have some big things coming up this weekend.  Opportunities to leap and let go.  But my heart feels a little stronger now.  My eyes look towards the One who calls me His Daughter and friend.  I smile, knowing He’s gone before me with my future tightly knit into the palms of His love-scarred hands.  He tells me I am courageous, and this time I’m going to stand tall and believe it.  This time I’m going to do it.

Watch out world…

This girl’s gonna jump.

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