I’m cleaning a tiny bit today to take my mind off of a lot going on inside my heart… not the best practice sometimes, but this lady needs a break from the emotions and the tears and the hard stuff for a few minutes. So cleaning it is.
I’m cruising along and realize this plaque thing has been hidden under the couch for God knows how long. I look at it and think “So true, person. Good job acing life.”
And then I see the faint pen markings behind the letters from my sweet 6 year old who has Autism. He must have been tracing the letters like he does at school. And then I see the blue etchings on the top from my joyful, wild child. His 2 year old scribbles are hard to miss. And all of a sudden the tears start to well up. From deep inside they come forth and there’s no stopping them now. My heart can’t be distracted no matter how many couches I look under.
I know this quote. I’ve seen it so many times and know it’s true in my head, but when it comes to the day to day reality, I think I try to push the storms away or at least take a detour in order to avoid them. I never asked to be present in the current storms of my life. I didn’t sign up for this. I mean, who consciously asks for trials?
But I look at my kids and I see how they live and I begin to question myself. My 6 year old… he has challenges like few have seen, but he faces his storms head on. He takes each day with its beauty and chaos and lives in it fully. He doesn’t run and hide and stay there. He risks it all and goes out again and again and again. He’s really so brave. And my 2 year old comes at life without any hesitations. Arms open, he’s willing to tackle anything as adventure calls his name. Nothing holds him back from loving life and loving people. His fears, his questions, his concerns. Nothing stops him. He cares for people more than almost every other person I know. He takes life and love on like a freaking boss. And even my almost 1 year old… he is so full of happiness, his whole body exudes joy. I feel his smile, and all his adorable dimples only add to the cuteness factor. He falls and gets hurt, but he stands again. He is adventurous and persistent and determined to succeed. He wants to walk and run and fly and I know he will!
These kids embody this sentence. They teach me what it means to be a better human being when the world is uncertain and scary. They show me what it means to experience true freedom from negativity and unrealistic expectations. They teach me what it looks like to live life with optimistic eyes, pure hearts and open perspectives. I may be just a tad bit older (just a tad…;)), but my children are such tender teachers, and they have no idea the influence they have on this momma’s journey. In the end, I need them. I need their fresh eyes to help me see it all the way God sees it, full of hope and goodness regardless of the circumstances.
It looks like it’s going to rain. My 2 year has been begging me to go outside, but I told him he needed to nap first. I’m sure he’s still going to ask to go out, even if it’s pouring. It doesn’t matter. He won’t wait and why should he. He’d be a rain-dancer because that’s who he’s choosing to be. He would dance, and he would ask his Mommy to come join him… to be his fellow partner as he enjoys the moment. And I’d stand there in the doorway of my frazzled home, and I’d decide. Do look at the storm? Or do I dance?
I’m smiling now. I just might, my boy.
I just might.