Oh friend, I have missed you. I’ve missed our time together. I’ve missed not being able to write. Not having my crazy outlet that is this blog… into which I happily pour my thoughts, from one tired momma’s soul to another. I’m currently writing at 12:00a.m. in the morning and I can barely see the screen. But everyone is sleeping and I am alone and it is soooooo worth it! It’s worth the extra sleep deprivation because I get to do what I love. I get to feel human again, not like an all inclusive service package for three tiny creatures whose demands are off the charts. Why are stay at home moms NOT PAID again?!
It’s taken me 5 years of being a mom to say this next statement without guilt and shame…
Being at home with my kids all day and taking care of them 24:7 is not enough. It’s just not enough for me.
Now hear me out. I’ve wrestled with this for years. The inner dialogue goes something like this: “I know I’m supposed to be satisfied with taking care of my babies all day because it’s a blessing to be able to be home with them and see these precious moments of growth” BUT… “I also want to have purpose and make a difference in this world that doesn’t involve wiping people’s butts and dealing with the tantrums every hour.” Oh God, please tell me I’m not alone here, ladies!
I’ve heard the cliche answers. I know I’m lucky, but honestly I’m still bored most days. Tasks are dull and mundane to me. In fact, I’ll just say it… I hate them. I’d rather sit down with a friend and shoot the breeze over mediocre coffee. And I would pick socializing every time no matter how stinky the breeze is in my imperfect disaster zone of a home. I miss people. I miss working. I miss deadlines and projects and interactions with co-workers. I miss doing ministry and leading groups and going to conferences. I miss studying and working hard towards something that will amount to a great accomplishment. Vision. Goals. Passion.
And here is where I insert the common response I get when I voice my feelings… “But your ministry is now your kids. You are accomplishing something! You are raising your children and that’s the greatest honor there is! You are changing the world one little person at a time…”
Yes. This is true. It’s all true. But I’m sorry. It’s still not enough.
You see, before kids us moms were actual human people with actual human dreams and hopes. We strived towards our passions and interests and we were darn good at it! In the midst of motherhood and taking care of everyone else, we forgot to take care of ourselves. We forgot to take care of our hearts and sometimes we forgot what makes our hearts truly beat. Then one day when running past a mirror as we chase our toddler down so they don’t throw our cell phone in the toilet again, we catch a glance of the woman we’ve become. And we ask the dreaded question. Who the freaking heck am I?
Well lady, let me tell you exactly who you really are. You are incredible. You are a hero. You matter deeply. You are beautiful just as you are. And yes, you are enough. But don’t feel bad if you want more. Don’t feel bad if you need to get out and be in the adult world for a bit. We know you love your babies, I do too! But it’s okay to want to break free from the nest and fly a little for yourself.
Whatever that looks like to you personally is up to you and your circumstances. Do you want to work? Do you not want to work? Do you want to pursue a long-forgotten hobby or finally take steps towards that dream you just can’t get out of your head? Do you want to join an organization, a club, a gym, a group, a study, a college program? What is it that will make you feel like to you have a purpose beyond just being a wonderful Mom? Because this is vital. It’s important that you feel important. With all the demands placed on us mommas at home, it’s easy to lose our sense of self and run on empty. But you can only run on empty for so long, my friend. Eventually, try as you might, the engine is gonna give! No fuel, no movement.
Your value and worth is never based on what you do or do not do, but I really feel like God gives each woman specific desires for a reason. He longs for us to experience life abundantly and fully… and that includes pursuing our dreams! He understands our longings and He wants us to bring them to Him. He can do a lot with an open heart, open hands and hopeful expectations. He wants to move mountains for you!
The question now is, Are you ready to let Him do His thing… to bring about promises and fulfill desires deep within? Do you believe He can do it? Do you believe you can do it? He’s pretty good at making a way for things to happen. It’s kinda His thing. And He’s kinda crazy about you.
So go ahead and say it. Go ahead and dream it. Go ahead and pursue it. Making sure your heart is happy will only make you a better Mom.
They say Happy Wife, Happy Life.
I say Healthy Momma, Way Less Drama… for you and your family!
Show the world that smile, girl. Cuz you’ve got dreams to chase.