Tears and Torn Hearts

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This is why I don’t watch the news.  Except for this week.

Oh Orlando, our hearts are with you.  What a terrifying and heartbreaking 7 days.  I look at all of the ugliness and see the evil in this world and think, “Why?  Honestly God, why?!”

I’m mad.  I’m mad that people have lost their lives, from middle-aged all the way down to babies.  They were just living their lives as usual and then it was over.  They had no warning.  None of us did.

I have no answers.  I’m not going to say anything trite or typical.  I’m not going to pass blame around or even focus on those who caused such horrific crimes of hate and cruelty (that includes the freakin’ alligators, thanks).  But if I wasn’t 1,200 miles away, and if we were sitting together with the victims’ families, I would hold their hand.  I would sit with them.  Cry with them.  Love them.  Just be there.  With them.

Because no one deserves to experience that kind of heartache and loss.  I look at my sweet 17 month old with his infectious smile and feel guilty.  I feel guilty that my baby is safe with me and that poor family from Nebraska doesn’t have their little one to cuddle anymore at night.  If that kind of horror can happen in the “Happiest Place on Earth”, then I don’t know if I want to live on this kind of Earth anymore.  A place that isn’t safe.  A place where I can’t guarantee that nothing will ever happen to my own family.  I hate that 100% pure protection isn’t a given here.

But.

Because I believe in a good God… Because I know that His heart is broken with us all.  Because He comes so close to the mourning and the sorrowful and He walks with us through the valleys.  Because I know He never leaves us, especially when s*&$ happens that rocks our world and changes everything.  Because I know He is love and His compassion never fails.  Because these are life-giving truths…  I can have hope, even in the darkest hours.

And as I look around at this world I feel the obvious rift.  I see beauty and glory and goodness in creation, from nature to all human beings made in God’s awesome image.  But I also see the evil and harshness of a planet that is not what it should be.  God never intended for us to experience the bitter trials and tribulations that plague each person in different ways.  And He certainly didn’t cause the chaos and pain.

We haven’t arrived yet, friends.  We still experience crap.  But the story isn’t over.  One day there will be no more tears.  No more news stories about acts of terror or murder or random tragedies.  There will only be pure light and beauty and death will have no say because it is defeated.  Done.  Gone for good.

On this day, I hope for that day.  And I wait for it expectantly.

Until then, I’m turning off the news.  No more sorrow for now, please.  Dear Lord, please.

Prayers and love to you, Orlando.

And to us all.

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The Beginning Days…

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I have like 10 minutes tops to write this.  I’m running on a few hours of sleep, much needed caffeine and zombie adrenaline.  I have a newborn who is currently running my life and he’s clearly in charge.

The first day on our own without help was today.  Thank God my husband was able to work from home because blessed surprise… our two older boys both got sick.  Hey, let’s start this parenting three tiny humans off with a bang right!

But fevers and snot aside, I have to say I’m not shocked it started this way.  Life is unpredictable.  It’s never static, always changing, always morphing into the next season or stage or right of passage.  Just when you think you may have everything semi-under control, it just blows up and all the pieces you thought went here, now go there.

Transitions.  I’ve come to accept them and actually like them… most of the time.  There are occasions when the transitioning results in breakdowns, especially when you are run by your crazy hormones.  Holy emotions Batman!  They just play with you, people!

But in reality, transitions can be a good thing.  It may not be easy…  Okay, let me rephrase that.  It’s probably never going to be easy.  But the beauty comes when we come out on the other side.  And we can look back and say, “Dude.  I actually survived that!”  And we can see how we’ve grown, what we’ve learned and who has been by our side the whole time.  God really is too good to let us stay the same… to stay static when there’s so much more He wants to show us.  There’s so much more He longs for us to experience abundantly.

So I’m hoping and believing that my husband and I will survive this transitioning into raising three boys.  Whether these lads will allow their withering parents to survive is a whole other ball game, but here we are.  Arms open, hearts wide, coffee cups full.

Bring on the change boys.  Because trust me.  You are more than worth it.